Barret Wallace (papacapinyo) wrote,
Barret Wallace

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... what. What.

Character Name: Barret Wallace
Age: 37
Series: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Occupation: Recycling Organizer

Canon: THE *$&#^ING PLANET IS DYING. Its life force is being sucked out by Mako reactors and turned into fuel for everyone but the planet itself to use. So who's going to save it from collapsing in on itself? A rag-tag team of heroes, of course. They travel the world together by plane, train, and large feathery bird, chasing down that most villainous of villains, a deranged but pretty madman who just wants to cast Meteor --- and we all know what happens when rocks fall: everyone dies. After waging through near countless battles, never ending sidequests, hilarious &#*%$ing censorship, and tragedy after comedic tragedy, almost everyone made it through.

Included in said action team of planet-saving badasses is Barret Wallace, ex-terrorist at large. Growing up as a tough-talking coal miner could not have set him more straight on his path in life. When everything and everyone he loved literally died in a fire, he picked up the pieces and with his heart on his sleeve and a gun for an arm went on to become a terrorist. A terrorist who just wants to save the planet for the sake of his precious daughter, even if that means leaving her to fight and find natural resources, that is. Barret is also extremely fond of trains and train metaphors, enough that the main party knows them all by heart.

As a note: Barret speaks very much like a certain black male icon whose name begins with 'M' and ends with 'r. T'.

Sample Post:

YO! What the *$@^% is goin' on here?!

Would you jes' lookit this mess!? Shit! Didn't nobody ever tell you that you don't mess aroun' with things that don't belong to you? Now I gotta take time outta my busy schedule and fix all your damn problems. You better all be payin' attention, alright? 'Cause I'm only gonna explain this once. Here goes...

Who cares if you been here longer than anybody else? I know I don't. And nobody else ought to care either, shoot. That ain't no excuse! You all better have one damn good reason for lettin' everything go straight to *&@%! For the --- can't none of you read? This bin don't say Papers and it don't say Plastics, it says right there in them big ol' letters, People. So would you quit just tossin' all those broke-off parts everywhere?! It's this one, put 'em in! This's recyclin'! And you gotta respect it.

Shoot, at least some of you oughta be tryin'. Don't even gotta be able to read the sign if you can see what's in the barrel.

So which one of you ingrates wants to come over here and show everybody else how it's done? Si'down and give it a try, foo'. Don't you know how to work? Just close your yap and let it come on out. 'Cause if you don't hurry up, I'm gonna choo-choo-choose to bust you up. And it wouldn't be for just throwin' these hearts all over. You call this an attack? No way, there's no damage. Quit actin' like that. Yo, heart is not an element! What other lame questions do I need to answer for you?

... NO, I don't think these parts would go an' recycle themselves anyway. What kinda foo' are you? Parts is parts! They gotta get compostin' just like everything else you decided to throw out. Damn! What is this? You really think you're gonna trip me up? You think you gonna win? Let's go! Bring it! I'm not afraid of any guy who thinks it's cool to litter. #%^@$! Anybody else got one for me?

Sure, I can turn my gun arm on. It'd be real stupid if I couldn't! And -- Does it return the favor? Does it return the favor?! Who do you think you are!? Get over here an' make an example outta yourself! Damn foo', do you even know who you're talking to? Look at yourself! And if ya go all to pieces on me again at least do it in the right bin next time. Shit!

They stuck me with a buncha beginners. I can't believe it!

No more questions, none of you! I've had it up to here with this. I'm gonna make this quick an' easy for all of you. You don't go makin' any trouble and I won't have to get hard on ya. Jes' pick up your own damn mess and put everything where it belongs when you're all done and yeah, I'm talkin' to yo. Gotta all work together to clean this place up an' help out the planet. Get it? Got it? Good. And just remember, yo. The power is yours!


98.3% in w-what. what.
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